Humorous Cover Letter Statements

Thanks to a friend for sharing this with me

Fortune Magazine’s list of hilarious, real-life (unedited) examples of statements in cover letters. Don’t include any of these in your own.

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”

“I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms.”

“Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”

“Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

“Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

“You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”

“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

“I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”

“I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.”

“I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”

“My goal is to be a meterologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.”

“Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far.”

“As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.”

“Reason for leaving my last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under thos conditions.”

“The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”

“Finished eighth in my class of ten.”

Author: NCWiseman

I am a Networking Strategist and LinkedIn coach and Trainer. I live by my personal edict, "Networking is finding, developing and nurturing relationships that mutually move people forward thru life." I want to help people become better Networkers and better LinkedIn users focused on their business and career goals.

1 thought on “Humorous Cover Letter Statements

Comments are closed.